APFT Ban

Yep, that's right.  The President should sign an executive order effectively banning APFTs.  APFTs are responsible for high rates of death and injury among our soldiers, and yet the bitter clingers in the upper echelons of the Army refuse to give up the antiquated APFT.  "Oh, but the Continental Army would never have defeated the British if they didn't have APFTs," say some.  "The only reason General Washington survived Valley Forge is because he scored a 300 on his APFT," say others.

NO! There's no reason to have APFTs these days!  I mean, seriously, are we fighting the British?  The Russians or the Chinese?  Will we ever fight another near peer military, or anything other than a rag-tag band of insurgents again?  Not likely, according to think tanks and doctrine writers throughout the Army.  "Does anyone really need to run two miles anyway?" asked one unnamed Iron Major. "I mean, maybe you might need to sprint from your MRAP to the DFAC, but it's not like we're assaulting bunkers anymore".

The same goes for push ups and sit ups.  "Why would anyone need so many reps?" queried a RAND think tank member.  "At most any soldier would need two to seven push ups."  The state of New York recently took action when a National Guard unit was spotted taking an APFT during a drill weekend by enacting legislation limiting the number of reps soldiers were allowed to complete to no more than seven.  "What are we supposed to do now?" asked the National Guard company commander, "The APFT requires that I do at least 36 push ups, but if I do, state police is gonna come confiscate my PT card and lock me up."

A national level debate is required, and a congressional action group is expected to recommend that until legislative action can be taken, that the President issue a series of executive orders increasing regulation of APFTs across the Army, including giving primary care physicians the authority to report soldiers willingly taking the APFT, and authorizing potential UCMJ action against soldiers unwilling to cease testing their fitness.

See! APFTs make you mean!