Thursday, January 31, 2013

Приветствия - Greetings!

A short post tonight about Russian greetings.  Let's say one day you find yourself at the Quarry Point WalMart in Sandy, UT, and you want to buy a watch.  You might notice that the lady who works behind the desk and speaks with an accent is named Svetlana.  Chances are good she speaks Russian!  Wouldn't it be great if you could greet her in Russian?  Конечно (of course)!

The proper greeting, should you meet someone for the first time, when greeting someone on formal terms (like your boss), or generally when greeting a group of people, is:

Здравствуйте!

Say, what?  When you pronounce it the long way, it sounds like Zdrast-vweetye (the в is almost silent and the stress is on the "a").  But, fortunately, even Russians prefer not to spit out that mouthful of letters and you can shorten it to a much more manageable Zdras'tye. This is the equivalent of saying hello.

If you're greeting a friend, loved one, child, or anyone on informal terms, the greeting is:

Привет!

So, that's pronounced Preevyet, with the stress on the "e".  This is the equivalent of saying hi.  Something to remember, though, is that unlike Americans who like to greet people everytime they see each other, no matter how often that may be, Russians greet each other the first time they meet that day, but then feel no need to continue re-greeting throughout the day.  So, if you happen to know a Russian, and they look at you funny each time you say "hi" in the hallway, it's because they already greeted you that day, and there's no need to keep saying hi.

When introducing yourself, you would say:

Меня зовут (insert your name here).  Pronounced Menya zavoot... and it means, my name is (literally it is translated as "they call me"). 

To ask someone their name, you would say:

Как вас зовут? or Как тебя зовут?
The first, Kak vas zavoot, is the formal "what is your name?" and would be used with people you don't know (pretty much anyone who isn't a kid), or in formal situations.  The second, Kak tebya zavoot is the informal, and would be used generally only with kids.

The proper response after being introduced to someone would be to say:

Очень приятно с вами познакомиться, or Очень приятно.

The long form, Ochen priyatno s vami poznakomitsya, means very pleased to meet you, but you can often shorten it to simply Ochen priyatno, and retain the same meaning.

To ask someone how they are doing, you would say:

Как у вас дела? or Как дела?

Kak oo vas dela is a much more formal version (for people you're NOT familiar with, or just met), and the simpler Kak dela can be used much more often (even with those you have a formal relationship with, ie: на вы).

Examples:
Ivan: Здравствуйте, меня зовут Иван.  Как вас зовут?
Misha: Здравствуйте, меня зовут  Миша. Очень приятно. Как у вас дела?...

Babushka: Ой, мальчишка, привет! Как тебя зовут?
Little Boy: Здра'сте, бабушка.  Меня зовут Дима.

Ends, Ways, Means and Bacon

So it's been an interesting week.  The 16 of us have apparently taken a lot less time to become comfortable with each other than I thought, and we've gotten to the point where our instructor has had to come down on us for taking up too much time.  Fortunately the discussions are generally productive, usually entertaining, and often directly relatable to whatever the topic of the day happens to be.  This is good, too, because somedays you can only take so much of the Structure and Processes of the Department of Defense, or The National Security Strategy and Structures.  While I had wanted to post

Still, somedays we stray from the assigned subjects and discuss things like Lance Armstrong's decision to go on Oprah and give a non-apologetic non-admission for doping to win his Tours de France.  Soon the discussion evolved to why, in today's world of shock-and-awe reality TV, we should embrace doping, and even demand it.  Just imagine, in addition to the regular old Olympics, we could have the Steroid Olympics, where athletes would not only be encouraged to go all the way with doping, but to push their bodies to the absolute physical limits.  You would get a gold medal if you could actually make yourself explode, a silver for the loss of two limbs, and bronze for the loss of a single limb...

Otherwise we've been focused on identifying Ends, Ways, and Means.  We were given a copy of the National Security Strategy, and then from it we were to identify the Ends - meaning the overarching objectives of the strategy.  These generally are framed in terms of final verbs, and clearly identifiable as an end state.  Next, we identified the Ways - meaning the things we could/would do to achieve our Ends.  Ways are also framed in terms of verbs, but can be much more wide-ranging.  Finally, we brainstormed the various possible Means - meaning the actual resources we could use to execute the Ways in order to accomplish the Ends. 

So, let's imagine that you wake up Saturday morning to discover your spouse made breakfast.  Unfortunately you soon discover that your kids ate all the bacon, and this just will not do. What is the ultimate problem?  You don't get any bacon.  What is the ultimate solution to this problem?  You getting some bacon.  So, this will be your End - Get some bacon.

What are the possible Ways you can make this happen?
You can throw a fit like a two-year old, screaming "I want my bacon!"
You can bribe your spouse to go get you more bacon and cook it.
You can call your neighbor to see if they have bacon to give you.
You can go to the store and buy more bacon.

What resources (Means) do you have/need to execute your ways?
Transportation to get to the store
Money to buy bacon/bribe spouse
A phone to contact a friend or neighbor
A stove and pan to cook your bacon

So, the next time you've got a problem on your hands, just remember, define your Ends, identify your Ways, and list out your Means.  Then, you, too, can solve problems like the US government!

Sunday, January 27, 2013

The 5 W's (+H), in Russian

Yep, tonight we're going to get another quick Russian language lesson.
The 5 Ws are vitally important in life, because, well, they tell us all we need to know.

They are, Who, What, Where, When, and Why. The +H is How, but it's not as crucial as the W's, since we often don't need it.

So, in Russian you have:
Who = Кто (kto)
What = Что (This one is actually pronounced shto *as in што*, and not chto)
Where = Где (gdye)
When = Когда (kogda)
Why = Почему (pochemu)
How = Как (kak)

So, we can reasonably assume that if we encounter one of these words combined with a question mark, that whatever is sandwiched in between is the question being asked.

Ваня - Девушка, не подскажите, как попасть в метро? = Miss, could you tell me how to get to the metro?
Девушка - Да, с ума сошел, Ванька. Ведь здесь метро нет, а я твоя сестра! = Vanka, you nutcase.  There's never been a metro here, and I'm your sister!


Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Media Relations or How Not to do an Interview

Today the Iron Majors of Staff Group Bravo got a most wonderful experience.  We were given a scenario involving US aid to an oil-rich Caucasian nation, an angry mob, shots fired and injured soldiers.  We were paired up with one of us acting the role of the battalion commander and the other as the PAO.  In front of us sat three "reporters" ready to ask the kind of softball questions we would expect from the White House press corps.

It went something like this...

Bob Newhart - how not to do an interview from Jonny Bentwood on Vimeo.

I had the fortunate pleasure of going first, allowing my colleagues the opportunity to learn from my Bob Newhart performance and improve their own. All in all, it made for a painfully humorous morning, with everything from steak knives to shoes thrown at the podium (hey, Bush got a shoe thrown at him, right?).

Saturday, January 19, 2013

Как не попасть в ДТП (Kak ne popast' v DTP)

How not to get in an auto accident in Russia (and pretty much anywhere for that matter)

Rule 1 - Pay attention and always turn your lights on.
Rule 2 - Don't run red lights and pay attention to traffic signs.
Rule 3 - Try to anticipate other drivers' actions
Rule 4 - Choose an appropriate speed
Rule 5 - Take care of you automobile
Rule 6 - Pick the right tires for the season.

Have a great weekend everyone!

Thursday, January 17, 2013

Русский Алфавит

Today's Russian language lesson will be the basics - the Russian alphabet.  A few teams from the last season of The Amazing Race would certainly have benefited from this lesson.

Russian   English

Аа           A - Pronounced "Ah" and makes the A sound in ball (Russian doesn't have a short a or long a)
Бб           B - Pronounced "Beh" and sounds like a B, but you have to relax your lips a bit so it bubbles...
Вб           V - Pronounced "Veh" and sounds like a V
Гг           G - Pronounced "Geh" and sounds like a G
Дд           D - Pronounced "Deh" and sounds like a D
Ее           E - Pronounced "Yeh" and makes the sound "yeh", but no other sounds associated with English E
Ёё           Yo - Pronounced "Yo" and makes the sound "yo"
Жж         Zh - Pronounced "Zhe"
Зз            Z - Pronounced "Zeh" and sounds like a Z
Ии          E - Pronounced "Ee" and makes only the sound of a long Eeeee
Йй           Y - Pronounced "E Kratkoye" (И Краткое) and softens the preceding vowel (Ой = oy; Ей = ey)
Кк           K - Pronounced "Ka" and sounds like a K
Лл           L - Pronounced and sounds like L
Мм          M - Pronounced and sounds like M
Нн          N - Pronounced and sounds like N
Оо           O - Pronounced and sounds like a long O (the short O is made by a)
Пп           P - Pronounced "Peh" and sounds like a P, but with the same relaxed lips like the Б
Рр            R - Pronounced "Err" and functions like an R, but Russians roll their Rs like Spanish
Сс           S - Pronounced and sounds like S
Тт            T - Pronounced "Teh" and sounds like T
Уу           U - Pronounced "ooh" and only makes the Ooh sound
Фф          F - Pronounced and sounds like F
Хх           kH - Pronounced "Ha", but the H has a hard almost K sound, like kh
Цц           Ts - Pronounced "Tse" and sounds like Ts (like a top hat cymbal)
Чч           Ch - Pronounced "Che" and makes the Ch sound
Шш         Sh - Pronounced "Sha" and makes the soft Sh sound, as if you were saying "shhhhh"
Щщ         Sch - Pronounced "Scha" and makes the middle sound if you say "fresh cheese" quickly.
Ъъ            '      Pronounced "Tverdiy Znak" (Твёрдий знак) or hard sign.  This makes the preceding letter hardened and definitive
Ыы          Y - Pronounced "Yeri" (Еры) and makes a sort of "uy" sound.
Ьь             '      Pronounced "Myagkiy Znak" (Мягкий знак) or soft sign.  This makes the preceding letter softened and smooth
Ээ            Eh - Pronounced "Eh" and makes the sound Eh like in Echo.
Юю         Yu - Pronounced "You" and makes only the sound "you"
Яя            Ya - Pronounced "Ya" and makes only the sound "Ya" - also is the Russian word for I or me.

So, try making your names in the comments and we'll see how close you get!

Как вас зовут? (Kak vas zovoot) - What's your name?

Меня зовут (Menya zovoot) Мэтт Элэт - My name is Matt Ellett


Long Weekend in Sight

Week one is almost done, and thank goodness.  This weekend is a three-day weekend, with Monday off for Martin Luther King Day.  What does that mean?  That means I have a lot of time to make sure I'm up to speed on my reading and homework.  It's fun reading about things like the theory behind civil military relations in differing classifications of liberal democratic society and their implications for the purposes of military service. Say what?  Sorry, but it was much easier to digest and be interested in when it was reduced from a 20-page paper to two slides in a powerpoint presentation.

Yesterday was my reminder that I'm out of grad school and back to work, though.  We took our APFT (hence yesterday's post).  Now, for some perspective, the last time I actually took an APFT was...


...December, 2009. Yep.  Between deployments and being at school, I haven't taken one in a long, long time.  For those who are unfamiliar with it, the Army Physical Fitness Test is supposed to be a test of overall fitness.  It consists of 2 minutes to do as many push ups as possible, 2 minutes to do as many sit ups as possible, and then a 2-mile run for time.  The APFT is a source of constant consternation for many, as it doesn't really reflect your overall fitness, but rather how much time you spent doing push ups, sit ups and running.  It's honestly mostly muscle memory at this point.

We were supposed to take the APFT on Monday, but since it started raining last Wednesday and had not stopped, the staff decided that it would be better to wait till yesterday, when the rain was scheduled to let up.  So, what did we get yesterday?  Not just rain, but temps in the mid-30s.  Awesome.  Fortunately common sense made a surprising appearance and we did the push ups and sit ups inside, where it was warm.  Unfortunately, the run was not only outside but on a regular 400m track.  Running two miles isn't so bad, but when it's running 8 laps around the track, it gets tedious.  At least the wind is only ever in your face for 200 meters.  Still, when I crossed the finish line my face was frozen and the sleet was starting to fall.  Good thing we waited for better weather.

So, what is it like here at Redstone?  Well, they have us living in converted junior enlisted apartments that were built in the '60s and were probably renovated as recently as the Carter administration.  I do have a decent kitchen, and there are 2 1/2 working burners on the stove.  The best part is the carpet, which, having not been replaced since Mr. Carter was in office, has thirty years of foot grease built up in them.  I'm seriously thinking about investing in some тапочки (tapochki - house slippers found throughout Russia).  Not to be out done, the linoleum in the kitchen is sticky like fly paper, but I assume that's to catch roaches in the summer.

I'd tell you about the scenery here, but since it's been nothing but low-hanging clouds and rain, I've never been able to see more than about a half mile out.  Someone told me there are some pretty big hills throughout Huntsville, but all I've seen so far are clouds...
 
It snowed briefly today, enough to leave a slight dusting on car windshields, but that was enough to shut down post, so we got out early today, and it might even be enough to justify delaying operations tomorrow for two hours.  Who knew a 20-min light snowstorm could be so powerful?

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

APFT Ban

Yep, that's right.  The President should sign an executive order effectively banning APFTs.  APFTs are responsible for high rates of death and injury among our soldiers, and yet the bitter clingers in the upper echelons of the Army refuse to give up the antiquated APFT.  "Oh, but the Continental Army would never have defeated the British if they didn't have APFTs," say some.  "The only reason General Washington survived Valley Forge is because he scored a 300 on his APFT," say others.

NO! There's no reason to have APFTs these days!  I mean, seriously, are we fighting the British?  The Russians or the Chinese?  Will we ever fight another near peer military, or anything other than a rag-tag band of insurgents again?  Not likely, according to think tanks and doctrine writers throughout the Army.  "Does anyone really need to run two miles anyway?" asked one unnamed Iron Major. "I mean, maybe you might need to sprint from your MRAP to the DFAC, but it's not like we're assaulting bunkers anymore".

The same goes for push ups and sit ups.  "Why would anyone need so many reps?" queried a RAND think tank member.  "At most any soldier would need two to seven push ups."  The state of New York recently took action when a National Guard unit was spotted taking an APFT during a drill weekend by enacting legislation limiting the number of reps soldiers were allowed to complete to no more than seven.  "What are we supposed to do now?" asked the National Guard company commander, "The APFT requires that I do at least 36 push ups, but if I do, state police is gonna come confiscate my PT card and lock me up."

A national level debate is required, and a congressional action group is expected to recommend that until legislative action can be taken, that the President issue a series of executive orders increasing regulation of APFTs across the Army, including giving primary care physicians the authority to report soldiers willingly taking the APFT, and authorizing potential UCMJ action against soldiers unwilling to cease testing their fitness.

See! APFTs make you mean!

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Спокойной Ночи!

Our first Russian language lesson on the blog - saying "Good night".

Спокойной Ночи!

Pronounced Spokoinoi Nochee, it is grammatically a shortened form of Желаю вам спокойной ночи, or I wish you a peaceful night.  So...

Спокойной Ночи!

Outside The Box

Every Blog has a Beginning

And so begin my blogging adventures!  What will we find here?  I'd like to say that this will be a blog filled with mystery, humor, and wittiness, but let's face it... it's me, and this is a chronicle of my time at ILE.  I doubt anyone has ever extolled the virtues of the Army's Professional Military Education (PME) system, and if you follow this blog, you'll see why.

Here I am, less than a week into ILE (AKA Intermediate Level Education).  This is the school where the Army sends its Majors for a full lobotomy.  Yes, if ever you wondered, this is where Zamyatin's "Great Operation" happens, and our One State and Benefactor are the schoolhouse at Ft. Leavenworth, KS.

In all actuality, our instructors, J & K, are good natured and apt to drive discussion between the 16 of us students.  Even in the only two days of instruction we've had debates, disagreement, and all the healthy skepticism we could hope to have from the graduates of the Bitter Captains' Club.  I'm hoping to be able to capture some of what goes on in our classes, because between the instruction and the discussion, there's a lot of pearls of wisdom flying by.  So, here's to my attempt at blogging!

Oh, but nary you worry, this won't just be about ILE madness.  No, no, I intend to inundate this blog with random musings, anecdotes about my family in Austin, and the occasional Russian language lesson.

Enjoy!